It turns out, deciding to make my living as an artist did not make me believe that I could actually succeed at doing this magical thing. My devoted inner critic has had a lot to share on this topic.
Side note: In an effort to work through this issue, I decided that naming this inner voice would work, not just for me, but for this post as well. Surprisingly, I am not unique. It is an internet approved idea. After falling down yet another google rabbit hole, I have decide to name my inner sceptic Sherlock.
Sherlock has informed me that I am a talentless hack, that I lack the necessary drive and that folks will only pay bargain basement prices for my work. Thanks for sharing, Sherlock. Forward motion has ceased in the face of this helpful input. What is the point of this unhelpful feedback? What possibly could the evolutionary benefit of this type of self reflection be? It is not an anomaly. Suprisingly, again, I am not unique. The world is awash in self doubt.
The inter-webs informs me that self doubt developed as a survival mechanism, allowing folks to coexist in larger groups. Also, beyond the social benefits, it seems advantageous to frame thoughts like; "I doubt that I can take this saber toothed monster, so I am going to hang out way behind these other folk." It is required in the "Chang or Die" framing of the universe. I am but a tiny speck in the vastness of the universe and have so very much to learn. On the positive side, it has the power to serve as a reset button. It allows us to interrogate what we really want and to move forward with self awareness. On the negative side, re-read Sherlock's commentary . Often our self doubt tips into fear and emotional .paralysis.
Luckily, being an artist is all about self doubt. I fit right in. Van Gogh, Rembrandt, Vermeer, Da Vinci: all rife with self doubt. Obviously, none of these folk let it stifle their creativity. They didn't even have the inter-webs from which to seek advice. Imagine Van Gogh going through the following list.
1.Practice self compassion.
Hey, the ear thing could be worse. I think the bandage looks rather jaunty. Dashing even. Maybe a self portrait. With or without the pipe? I'll do both!
2. Focus on past achievements.
900 paintings and over 1100 drawings in 10 years. I am a creativity machine! I mean, I hate that stupid Starry Night piece of crap, but mostly, its good stuff!
3. Don't compare yourself to others.
side note: This is a huge one for me. It is, in fact, exactly what I am doing right here.
Gaugin is an amazing painter! But he is all "paint from your imagination ,man!" Everyone knows painting from what is right in front of me is what I am about! I'm totally my own school of creation!
4. Surround yourself with supportive people.
Van Gogh had a super supportive brother named Theo. I have a super supportive Mother named Theo. I also have a super supportive Steve.
(Here, Sherlock informs me that you cannot trust the critique from your closest people as they see all that you do through the rose lenses of love.)
5. Remember, you are your own biggest critic.
I wonder what Van Gogh named his inner critic?
6. Be skeptical of your thoughts.
I need to be skeptical of the skeptic.
Van Gogh wrote,"If you hear a voice within you say 'You cannot paint.' then by all means, paint. And that voice will be silent."
So that's it. Just put my head down and make art. My Steve and Theo are generously helping me navigate the business end of things. All I need to do is let Sherlock natter on in the background while I capture bits of color and light from the world.
Please continue to follow my story, and share it with others. Subscribe above or go to www.tasia.shop.
Commentaires